“Always straight on”
Whoever has asked for information in Venice has heard this expression convincingly repeated by Venetians. It is their mantra. In the city, which Borges described as the material embodiment of his own labyrinthine dream, the concept of straightness is impossible. Do not think this is an easy way to get rid of tourists, though: it does sound more like a strong encouragement not to lose faith in being able to reach the destination. Always straight on, then!
“I’ll take you there”
If “Always straight on” is the Alpha, “I’ll take you there” is the omega of giving directions in Venice. From the utter indifference towards your destiny as a wanderer to the man who becomes your own personal guide, gives you information and takes you to destination. Some Venetians prefer to put into practice directions rather than spend time trying hard to explain the inexplicable.
“Watch out for your legs!” or more rarely “Watch out for your tights!”
If you are dreamingly wandering around the city with your head in the clouds and are abruptly brought back to reality by this shout, flatten yourself immediately against the nearest wall: some kind of trolley full of goods, energetically carried by a delivery boy, is right behind you (and it will not stop).
“Only ten minutes”
This is what you will repeatedly hear every time you dare to ask how long it takes to reach the longed-for destination. You must know that “ten minutes” is the real walking time at a Venetian pace, without taking into account the inevitable stumbles and mistakes, which for sure will happen during your walk.
“Then ask again later”
Venice is the only place in the world where you will get directions, which contain another request for directions. It is not a “pass the bucks” technique, Venetians just think you are not up to retain all their instructions.
“No thank you”
“No thank you” is what you will hear, if you kindly try to help a father or a mother with their prams over an unavoidable bridge. Do not take this the wrong way, it is nothing personal. In Venice, where there are more than 400 bridges, buying a pushchair requires lots of pondering and thinking. If they accepted your help, this would mean they had bought the wrong model!
C.S.
